Saturday, September 18, 2010
So here I am 7 months later...a baby, 2 inches of roots, and huge bags under my eyes.
AH, the good ole quest for happiness. Does it exist? It seems that in my semi-delusional state of existence due to the lack of sleep I have been currently getting ...
(not because my baby doesn't sleep, but because of the thought that she could not sleep keeps me up all hours of the night)...
I know this doesn't make sense, trust me, I've googled it.
I keep wondering does this Dalai Lama type happiness exist, and is it really (really) hard to obtain, because I'm not going to lie hard work makes me quit...
So I embark on this journey to hear what "His Holiness" has to say about that topic." I mean I get a hole in my new Gypsy05 sweat pants and I cry, this guy lost his country and still seems pretty darn happy, maybe there is something to it AND well truth be told I could use a truck full of happiness these days.
So why the Dalai Lama? WELL... mostly because after 7 months of rocking, patting, restraining my little girl I feel it may be time for her to learn the skill of going to sleep on her own...aka known as CIO method (cry it out method) for those of us who don't read other people's blogs to either hear their painful "GO" of parenting or SOME ADVICE depending on the day. This will come full circle, bare with me...so I download an audio book thinking that perhaps it could keep my mind off of the war going on in the crib upstairs, and help me refrain from LOSING MY FRIGIN MIND...SO with my Marc Weissbluth book in hand, to reassure myself I am "simply loving my baby enough to teach her the skill of sleeping" and my Ipod freshly downloaded with my audio book I retreat to my lair (an air mattress that I sleep on from time to time) that is in the basement. Yes this is my life, don't judge me.
The goal of all human beings is to be happy.
I think to myself...perhaps I need to reset my goals a bit CUZ...currently I'm listening to a baby that I have rocked upwards of 20-30 minutes to sleep just to put her down in the crib and have her eyes to pop open like the exorcist. I have stayed in my JAIL for the last 7 months to "preserve" her sleep schedule like Mr. Weissbluth directed only to have her be unable to fall asleep at all on some days. If the goal of my existence is to be happy, then let me get off my air mattress and take a bath without the fear that the water running will wake up the baby (that is probably not sleeping anyways.)
GOAL NOT ACHIEVED.
The audio book "The Art of Happiness" continues: "We also often add to our pain and suffering by being overly sensitive, overreacting to minor things, and sometimes taking things too personally. We tend to take small things too seriously and blow them up out of proportion, while at the same time we often remain indifferent to the really important things, those things which have profound effects on our lives and long-term consequences and implications."
HITTING CLOSER TO HOME: the impermanence of life VS baby not napping well...minor versus major life events. Okay so perhaps my situation is hardly dire, but it is hard. This whole parenting thing is hard...damn it...not death-like hard, but pretty darn hard.
This reality check , however COULD help keep ones clarity and semi-sanity throughout this whole parent thing...life is impermanent (deep I know), and life is a struggle. The Dalai Lama states the first day we are born we are faced with struggles, and will continue to experience them throughout our life...yet we do not scream out "Happy Strugglemas, we say Happy Birthday." If we celebrate and/or accept that life is hard and that struggles will come up it may be in our realm of possibility that we can say "well, YEP there it is another experience, another opportunity to train my mind to deal with this situation with compassion, patience and kindness." I guess easier said then done, but if I really could try and master this then maybe I could have accepted the following phrase: "that's just baby" or "yep that's parenthood for you" and instead of wanting to put people's heads through the wall I may have said YEP parenthood has its struggles, it is to be expected and move on without all they other stuff: GUILT, ANGER AND RESENTMENT.
So as I quest for happiness with my audio book in hand and TEACH my little girl how to sleep (a minor, yet so major, blip on the radar screen of my life)...I think I know one way to cultivate happiness...
So here it is what I want right now...not that desiring and acquiring objects will give me long lasting happiness, but it will take my mind of this noise WAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH.
-the two dresses are from Revolveclothing.com: one is LAMB (expensive), BOBI (not expensive)--the fur vest is on Revolve aswell
-the other puffer vest is from J.Crew., there is an even better one at Lululemon if you can get your hands on it (it has a hood too)
...just sayin'. Nothing better then a pair of leggings, a fur vest to jazz it up, and puffer vest to jazz it down...all while questing for Happiness.